Some shit is just getting simply retarded. What the hell. It shouldn't continue on like this. Oh well. In the end, it's not all too bad. It'll all work its self out sooner or later. When or how, fucked if I know. 

 

Uncool beans.

I think that it's time to get out
My patients are fading fast
the mind bruises just a little bit easier
in dark times and shadow's cast

What are you suffering for?
Your pride or some kind of personal war?
And will you throw it away?
For nothing more than a simple taste?

I'll stay in time and watch you pass by (paranoia woven deep beneath my skin)
I draw this line and hope you'll take my side (breathe slow, breathe slow)
You shouldn't have to fight alone (you shouldn't have to fight at all)
It's nobody's battle but your own

Panic holds me like a gun
firm and steadfast bleak and cold
I think it's time to kill the drama
This life style's getting old

*Whispers behind closed doors
eyes spy from dark windows
Plotting minds seek to harm me,
or maybe not, I don't really know

There is something
Waiting for me
in the darkest part of my imagination

I'll stay in time and watch you pass by (paranoia woven deep beneath my skin)
I draw this line and hope you'll take my side (breathe slow, breathe slow)
You shouldn't have to fight alone (you shouldn't have to fight at all)
It's nobody's battle but your own

This is just self-induced terror
There's more to come, this is just a glimpse
I tell myself it's all in my head
but I'm pretty hard to convince

Oh, there's no relief
Oh, this world can offer
Oh, there's no relief
Oh, this world can offer me

I'll stay in time and watch you pass by
I draw this line and hope you'll take my side
You shouldn't have to fight alone
It's nobody's battle but your own

I feel like hating on something right now but I'm not too sure what to hate on.

 

I was on facebook and I was scrolling through friends pictures from back in the day and I realized how much of a "little shit" we all were back then. Hahaha. By graduation we were all under the 'spell' that we could conquer the world if, "we put our minds to it". Or some b.s along those lines. Not saying that our teachers just spouted out cliche sayings to us or anything. Just saying that we may have all felt, but for large portion of the senior class, that we felt that could do anything and it would be better than we could have ever imagined. But I could always be wrong.

Maybe. for the most part, we are living out oour highscool goals and everything is 'peachy' for us. It just may be the the feelings of

unfulfillment that i feel but who the fuck knows. (BTW I know that the font has changed but fucking deal with it)

 

Fuck, it's not that I'm 'angry' or 'sad' but i KNOW that something is missing. Shor of a fucking miracle.

 

FUCK IT ALL

 

Not going to let  this shit get the better of me in the long run.

 

 

t(-_-t)

 

FUCK YOU

 

Just to make this clear from the get-go, I'm not into drag queens or anything. I just happen to live 1/2 a block away from the 'gay scene' here in Dupont ( I didn't find the place my sister did). In October, 17th St. hosts the Annual Drag Queen Race where, as you guessed, a group of drag queens gather to show off their Halloween costumes and at 9:00 have a city block race. All done in high heels and stilettos mind you. 

I've been living in this area for just under three years now and I have yet to go and experience this event. I'm not against that 'scene' or anything, it just takes me a little out of my comfort zone. I wouldn't have gone out last night but was 'dragged' by my sister and some of my friends who came from VA to witness the fun. I have to admit that when we first got there and starting fighting our way through the crowd so we could find a decent place to watch from, I was feeling very uncomfortable. I have never really experienced anything quite like it. Even though I live in the area, I had never gone out of my to see it. I hold nothing against it or anything, to me its just two different worlds.

This was a very fitting way to 'pop the cherry'. Lol

The weather sucks. It randomly decided to get supah cold. Not cold when compared to other regions of the world, but dammit, too cold for me. Time to pull out the 'kid-toucher' gloves. And just in time for Halloween. MUAHAHAHAHAHA

OTL

god forgive my humor.

The big question now is, should I celebrate Halloween like a 'normal' 21 year old DC resident and participate in "Nightmare on M St.", where one is subjected to bar hoping around the city into grossly over crowded, or should I just do what I do best. kick it at home? 

I think I'll go with the kicking plan and just stay at home and invite some peeps over. Funny how, just last year, I would've given my left nut to participate in "Nightmare on M St." I'm glad that my 21st  was after Halloween. Thanksgiving ftw.

Beer  + Awesome Music  + No One At Home - Productivity = A Good Time

You know right after you wake up and you're like, "man that was a *insert description here* dream. I need to tell someone about it."  And so, while you continue to lay in bed, trying to piece the dream together so you can have a coherent conversation with someone, you think, "I can't wait to share my dream with the world ^_^." You go about your your daily routine, fully intending to share your experience, and the next thing you know it's already dinner time and you have yet to tell a single soul. Spending the next few minuets, potentially hours, trying to figure out what exactly the dream was about, all you can recall is the *insert description* feelings you had.

Doesn't that just annoy the hell out of you? When I woke up this morning I was 99.99% sure I was going to tell someone about my 'colorful' dream. Or at least write about it. Now all I'm left with is.... nothing. Funny though, I woke up in the middle of the dream and thought, "I should quickly make myself a note so I don't forget it all tomorrow." Obviously I failed to pull the trigger on that one. Why? Good question. I mean, it couldn't be that I was too lazy. My notebook was half a foot away, and on top of that, had fully functioning pen resting on the page I last wrote in.  So laziness is out of the question. It must have been god telling me not to share my dreams. THAT'S IT! 

GOD!

I blame a higher power for my inability to remember my dream. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

On the lighter side of life, I'm in the sharing mood so here's stuff I've been 'looking' at over the past few days/months.

The HTC HD2 which will be coming to the grand US of A in 2010 (god willing). Supah sexy.

A little bit of fan service for the MMA crowd. Giana Carano. Real or not. Either way works. (I did not stare at this picture for hours, nor is it my wall paper >.<)

Last but not least, a list of animes which may have flew under the 'main-stream' radar in 2009. (I have yet to watch any of them, but they may find a way into my rotation)

trying to get some homework done, obviously not happening, but the urge to keep my fingers busy is randomly overwhelming.  so, what better to do than write out random thoughts spewing from my brain. my beard right now is a little long, but i don't have the fucking cord for my shaver so i'm unable to trim. a few months ago i could've cared less, but now i do. why? dunno. maybe it's just easier this way when i hang out with my friends and we go out to bars/clubs. thats the only logical explanation i can come up with. although i do enjoy playing with my beard. helps kill the seconds in my daily routine. lol

what i would like to do would be to braid my goatee. first i need to grow one out but that would be something i would like to do. not have the pigtail thing but a singular one. maybe add a spike in it or something. not only would i have a wicked goatee, but i would also have a self-defence weapon. people always messing with me and shit son. gotta be prepared to throw down whenever and where ever! represent!
forgive me for my attempt at humor. again, just trying to keep my fingers idle for the next few min. or so. i suppose i could go back to reading my book after that. or smoke, or just go to sleep. WHY NOT ALL THREE!! ^_^

that sounds awesome. i'm gonna go do that. not in that order but i will do all three. and get some food. food sounds supah nice right now.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

To repeat the same thing and expect a different outcome each time. Insanity? Deranged? What do you call it when you don't expect different outcomes, but just repeat everything you do? Comfort? Lazy?  Only reason why I'm asking is cause of recent events. I wouldn't label myself as cynical, if anything gullible, I just find it a little difficult to believe people when they give me a compliment. I find myself fishing for compliments but am taken aback when given. I see myself as a jack of all trades but a master of none, so when told I should pursue something, cause I seem to have potential to excel, I retreat.  As cocky as this may sound, I feel confident that I would do well if I did choose to see something all the way. What scares me is the fact that I may be wrong. It's either I'm super lazy or a chicken shit. lol It could very easily be a combination of both. I've built this huge bubble and now I'm too scared to take a leap of faith. Calling it a leap of faith just seems to confirm the fact that I may just be a chicken shit. lol.

It could be that I've over thought all of this, and should just shut my mouth and wait till I finish what I'm doing now. It's not like I have nothing to show for myself. I'm just at the point in my life where I'm unsure of what growing up implies. Life seems to be moving along at a faster pace than what I've been doing recently. haha Sooner or later it'll all work out. Yes? 

Well I'll leave this with the lyrics of a song I happen to be listening to.
Listening to Freddy Mercury by Emery off their album The Question:

Every once in a while I think I'm lying.
Take it to the bank. I believe every word I say.
(This just isn't how, this just isn't how)
Then again this is when you start your prying.
(This just isn't how, this just isn't how)
But there's a thought it could be true.
But this just isn't how I imagined it would be.
With these random people just asking the most personal things.
And to think that somehow I could always come clean.
And you shake your head just like you know what I mean.

You're a Christian tell the sinner find repentance it's your last chance.
You believer, where's your patience?
Answer questions, put on faces.
What about God? For you and for me.

All have fallen short (To see if it's right or wrong to listen to this song.
I don't want you too. To see if you're okay with all the words I say.
It can't be this way)

Somehow, someone is more equal than others.
Depending on the words we choose to say.
A glance at her too long tonight.
But everything I am saying is right in your ears.

We are all the sisters and the brothers.
Until we find we don't believe the same, like...

Gary is getting drunk to forget Sarah.
Sarah is stealing money from her parents.
Aaron is lying straight to Jon.
About Megan and the things that went on.
Jessica is a gossip, Laura is a slut.
Derrick hits Bridget and Ben deals drugs.
Seth spends all his money gambling.
Joey stopped praying.

It is all the same thing.
We are all the same people.
With sinning hearts that make us equal.

Here is my hand, not words said desperately.
It is not our job to make anyone believe

HECK YES!!

Right now there's just a bunch of random thoughts going on in my head. I felt like putting them down somewhere so I figured why not here on LJ. YAY!!

Only problem now is to figure out how to put them in a 'flowing'  manner. Hmm...Where oh where do I start?  Why not with anime/mangas?  I just finished re-watching "Onegai Sensei". I realize it's a SUPER cheese filled series and I know that I should be slapped for watching it, let alone twice, but it kills time. So haters, fuck you. t(-_-t)   <--- that little guy is flicking you off.

Back to the subject at hand, I started to notice that I haven't a 'good' discussion with anyone about any manga/anime for a looong time now. Most likely due to the fact that people I did talk to about 'it' to, we haven't been in contact for a while. My fault entirely, but we can skip over that for now. The people I do see and interact with on a regular basis have no interest in the 'stuff', so it's rather hard to express my excitement, love, hate, dissatisfaction, and any other random thoughts I may have about the newest ep/chapter. It wouldn't be too bad if this hobby of mine didn't take up a good porting of my free time. Haha. I haven't cut my self off from the rest of the world or anything, I just don't live in the immediate are of most my friends so I see them on the weekends only. It would be nice if some of my friends picked it up but I don't think that's ever going to happen. We're all pretty much 21 now so most of our time is going to be spent drinking I guess. ^_^ 
I've also noticed that I tend to not finish series that are longer than 12-15 ep. very often. Why? I dunno. It suppose that's just goes to show how long my attention span is. >_<  fuck it.

Well I said I had a Cluster Fuck of thoughts going on in the ol`noggin, but as it turns out, I don't anymore. Who would've thunk. Must have something to do with the fact that it's now almost seven in the morning and I have class in a few hours, but I highly doubt that's it. Whatever the reason, it's now time for brain of mine to send me off to the world of dreams.

yessir